With each hurt and disappointment, I trust a little less. Yet, I know a closed hand does not lose anything nor does it gain anything. Yeah, there are moments that I know if there is nothing risked, there is nothing gained. But truthfully, I am a coward who is praying for a chance to see the wizard to get courage and a new heart.
On the way to see the wizard, I hope to encounter others who are willing to follow the yellow brick road. We leave behind everything familiar to us in a quest to fulfill our deepest desires. On our journey and through our friendship, we each discover that the thing we seek is within us.
It is a tale as old as time. Nonetheless, I am wishing for a rewrite: the new ending to include the same reward (courage) without the work (self discovery.) How is that for a fairytale happy ending?
Okay, I know I got to do the work; take the journey. On the path to love, I have even been startled by my own temerity. In those moments, I contemplate giving love another chance.
Then I remember the poem, The Invitation, and it implores me to remember the calling of my heart. Here is the stanza of the poem that is the real truth of my heart.
These words beckon me to live authentically, by taking risks with my heart, following my soul's desire and being deeply intimate with myself and others. The risks are great and so are the rewards."It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive."
Playing it safe may give me predictable outcomes and less pain, but it also robs my heart of the chance of expressing fully.
A friend recently told me that “safety is an illusion.” She is right. There really is no protection from pain. It can happen at anytime from anywhere. So I choose to take the risks.
I want to know a romantic love that fills me to the brim. I want to believe that exhilaration, excitement and ecstasy can simultaneously take up space in my chambers again. I want to encounter a level of intimacy that exceeds anything I ever imagined or experience before.
I want to believe in happy endings again.