Virtually every personality assessment I have ever done, shows that words are important to me. Recently, I read the book The 5 Love Languages. That book revealed to me that my primary love language is words of affirmations. Simply put: I need words to fill up my love tank.
Conversely, how I am most injured is through words. When someone does not keep their word to me in big matters (fidelity in a relationship) or small matters (being on time), it is unsettling to me. It can make me feel like the rug has been pulled from beneath me because words are my foundation. Words are how I metabolize my life. If I digest words that are unhealthy, I feel unsettled at my core.
When I am unsettled at my core, I do what many humans do when threaten, I see only two options: fight or flight. What I am coming to realize is that there is a third option and this third option will call upon me to gain greater insight into who I am. This third option may enable me to reach a higher level of spirituality.
In the book Conversations with God, it discusses creating higher and a higher version of you, as the way to the path of enlightenment. I need to create a version of me that is comfortable expressing my vulnerability. That is my third option.
I want to create a version of me that is willing to be courageous enough to tell others: Who I am; and what I want. I want a version of me that tells this truth in manner that is not derived from anger (which is a mask for fear); but rather extending from a place of wanting to be clear and truthful. Instead of “How dare you do XYZ to me?!” and “I will punish you by any means necessary.” I want to have the courage to say, “When you did XYZ, it made me feel disrespected and dispensable.” And “At my core, I know you respect me, so help me align these two incongruent experiences with you.”
The former approach makes me feel right and powerful. The latter makes me feel human.
Years of therapy has certainly given me the knowledge about mirroring, empathetic statements and other effective communication tools. Despite this knowledge, my degree in communications and my years working as a spoken work artist, it was not until recently that I had the epiphany that I am not very good at expressing who I am and what I want. I have fallen into a pattern of expressing what I will not allow; and what I am capable of doing if one crosses that line. The two modes of expressions may seem similar from a distance; but upon closer inspection, I can see that one stems from love and the other from fear. I want to create a higher version of me that chooses the path to love.
Showing posts with label conversations with God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conversations with God. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Friday, May 22, 2009
Calm Seas on the Journey
On the surface of the sea there are moments when it is calm and moments when it is turbulent. However, deep down in the sea, all is constantly still.
That deep stillness and calm is what my aim is on my journey in life. Understanding that there will be times when on the surface things are rough, I strive to maintain a deep inner knowing that all is really well within.
The spiritual tools which help me to sustain this inner knowing are journaling meditation/prayer, visualization and music. If I am consistently utilizing my tools, when the rough seas come (And they always do. That’s just a part of this life journey.) Then the turbulence doesn’t last for long.
For instance, in the spring of 2008 I tested positive for a dis-ease that could potentially be with me for the rest of my life. When I got the news, I was walking along the river with a dear friend enjoying an amazing spring day. I was feeling vibrant, alive, healthy, strong, loved and blessed. Everything felt right with the world. Then that call came.
Nothing the medical professional was telling me made sense to me. She informed me that this dis-ease was incurable yet because I have no symptoms, there was nothing I needed to do differently. She told me there are 25 million people in this country who have this dis-ease but do not know it. My thought was, “If they do not know they have this dis-ease, than how does SHE know?”
As she is talking, everything inside me is saying, “This is NOT so. This simply is NOT so.”
After that call ended, through choked words, I told my friend about the news I had just received. On the outside I felt like I wanted to crumble. But inside, something kept saying “It ain’t so.”
I began to sing a song I wrote about letting the river wash over me. In the song, I called out the names of my ancestors who in the face of what seemed insurmountable odds, they not only overcame but triumphed:
Imhotep, Nefertti
Queen Nzinga, Hannibal
Denmark Vesey
Phyllis Wheatly
Malcolm and Martin
In the days following that news, there were certainly moments that on the surface things felt turbulent. However, that inner voice kept telling me that the dis-ease is not so. My wholeness is what was true. That voice kept getting louder and louder. In the depth of my soul, I knew I was healthy and well.
I knew that if I continued to use my spiritual tools I would continue to have the experience of optimum health.
So if that was indeed my truth, why was I having this experience? What was it I am supposed to remember? In the book, Conversation with God. it purports that every experience comes to remind you of Who You Really are?
Whenever I am experiencing any kind of physical challenge I refer to Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. In that book she charts an array of dis-eases and provides the root mental/spiritual/emotional cause of that dis-ease along with an affirmation to assist in the elimination of that root cause and beginning the healing process.
Hay cites the root cause the dis-ease I was diagnosed having was guilt. This information resonated with me. I certainly felt feelings of guilt at various times in my life. At certain times, my feelings of guilt have almost been crippling.
So now armed with this information, I knew what I needed to do:
o Continue utilizing my spiritual tools
o Release my guilt
o Affirm my healing
o Claim wholeness and wellness in every moment
I envisioned that the next time I got my annual exam my healing would be complete and I would not have this dis-ease. That was not only my vision but what I knew to be already true.
Just this week I went in for my annual exam. The usual battery of tests were done. Lab work was submitted and the results would be in at the end of the week.
Immediately after the doctor left the office, I began to get dress. I began praying, "Thank you for my healing. Thank you for my healing."
Yesterday I got the call. The lab work was in. The result . . .
I tested NEGATIVE.
All is calm on the surface and deep within me. For now.
That deep stillness and calm is what my aim is on my journey in life. Understanding that there will be times when on the surface things are rough, I strive to maintain a deep inner knowing that all is really well within.
The spiritual tools which help me to sustain this inner knowing are journaling meditation/prayer, visualization and music. If I am consistently utilizing my tools, when the rough seas come (And they always do. That’s just a part of this life journey.) Then the turbulence doesn’t last for long.
For instance, in the spring of 2008 I tested positive for a dis-ease that could potentially be with me for the rest of my life. When I got the news, I was walking along the river with a dear friend enjoying an amazing spring day. I was feeling vibrant, alive, healthy, strong, loved and blessed. Everything felt right with the world. Then that call came.
Nothing the medical professional was telling me made sense to me. She informed me that this dis-ease was incurable yet because I have no symptoms, there was nothing I needed to do differently. She told me there are 25 million people in this country who have this dis-ease but do not know it. My thought was, “If they do not know they have this dis-ease, than how does SHE know?”
As she is talking, everything inside me is saying, “This is NOT so. This simply is NOT so.”
After that call ended, through choked words, I told my friend about the news I had just received. On the outside I felt like I wanted to crumble. But inside, something kept saying “It ain’t so.”
I began to sing a song I wrote about letting the river wash over me. In the song, I called out the names of my ancestors who in the face of what seemed insurmountable odds, they not only overcame but triumphed:
Imhotep, Nefertti
Queen Nzinga, Hannibal
Denmark Vesey
Phyllis Wheatly
Malcolm and Martin
In the days following that news, there were certainly moments that on the surface things felt turbulent. However, that inner voice kept telling me that the dis-ease is not so. My wholeness is what was true. That voice kept getting louder and louder. In the depth of my soul, I knew I was healthy and well.
I knew that if I continued to use my spiritual tools I would continue to have the experience of optimum health.
So if that was indeed my truth, why was I having this experience? What was it I am supposed to remember? In the book, Conversation with God. it purports that every experience comes to remind you of Who You Really are?
Whenever I am experiencing any kind of physical challenge I refer to Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. In that book she charts an array of dis-eases and provides the root mental/spiritual/emotional cause of that dis-ease along with an affirmation to assist in the elimination of that root cause and beginning the healing process.
Hay cites the root cause the dis-ease I was diagnosed having was guilt. This information resonated with me. I certainly felt feelings of guilt at various times in my life. At certain times, my feelings of guilt have almost been crippling.
So now armed with this information, I knew what I needed to do:
o Continue utilizing my spiritual tools
o Release my guilt
o Affirm my healing
o Claim wholeness and wellness in every moment
I envisioned that the next time I got my annual exam my healing would be complete and I would not have this dis-ease. That was not only my vision but what I knew to be already true.
Just this week I went in for my annual exam. The usual battery of tests were done. Lab work was submitted and the results would be in at the end of the week.
Immediately after the doctor left the office, I began to get dress. I began praying, "Thank you for my healing. Thank you for my healing."
Yesterday I got the call. The lab work was in. The result . . .
I tested NEGATIVE.
All is calm on the surface and deep within me. For now.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Your Truth
"Say your truth - kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth - gently, but totally and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity."
---- Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God
In my youth and now in years as a mature woman, it amazes me how many people are unwilling to speak their truth. What lies beneath this unwillingness is usually fear. Fear that you may hurt some one's feelings. Fear that people will not like you anymore. Fear that others may retaliate.
As a young person I had no difficulty speaking my truth. My challenge was saying my truth kindly. It felt right to me to tell my truth even if it meant it would injure another. With maturity, I learned to use my truth less as a sword and more as a shield. The truth shielded me from others because when I found myself in a situation that could cause me harm or harm to another, I easily and quickly spoke that truth. It takes courage to tell the truth whether in minor or major situations.
Minor Situations
Standing in line at the Starbuck's, there were only two people in front of me waiting to be served by the one attendant behind the counter. The man in the front of the line must have had a large order because the attendant was working busily for several minutes. Soon, another employee of Starbuck's came to the far end of the counter and struck up a conversation with the attendant behind the counter.
Clearly this conversation was causing the attendant to work slower and several more minutes went by. I could see on the faces of the two people in front of me that they noticed this delay, as well, but neither said a word. The two gave each other knowing glances but neither said anything to the attendant.
Past experience with similar situations told me that the two in front of me would more likely start complaining to each other rather than to say anything to the attendant. As kindly as I could and after taking a few deep breaths, I asked the two employees if they could please hold off their conversation until after we have been serviced. Obviously surprised by what I requested, they both apologized and ended their discussion. The line moved quickly thereafter.
How many times have you found yourself in a similar situation? Did you speak your truth? Did you instead express your frustration with sighs, gasps or snide comments to others? If you did speak up, were you kind? If you did not speak up at all, why not? What were you afraid of?
Major Situations
Ending a relationship is a major situation in which many people are unwilling to speak their truth. The quote from Conversations with God that I used in the opening is very powerful. The most powerful part, in my opinion, is:
In relationships, some times your truth changes. For instance, you may have once wanted to be in a committed, monogamous relationship but your truth changed one day and you now may want the experience of being single. Without question, this truth is difficult to express to another. However, doesn't speaking your truth give more honor to the love you may have shared with your partner?
How many times have you been in a relationship and your mate behavior begins to change and you are never told why? Perhaps the relationship ended because of this change in behavior?
A friend recently spoke to me about the importance of bringing honorable closure in a relationship. My friend talked about not letting the relationship simply dissipate like water trickling out of a bucket with a small hole in it. Instead, it is important to acknowledge aloud to each other that it is time to end the relationship. An honorable closure enables you to both acknowledge the importance of the experience you had together and then be able to move on with integrity.
How you speak and live your truth is a testimony to who you are on this journey. Would not the journey be more enjoyable if we each had the courage, honor and integrity to have our spoken truth in alignment with the truth we live?
---- Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God
In my youth and now in years as a mature woman, it amazes me how many people are unwilling to speak their truth. What lies beneath this unwillingness is usually fear. Fear that you may hurt some one's feelings. Fear that people will not like you anymore. Fear that others may retaliate.
As a young person I had no difficulty speaking my truth. My challenge was saying my truth kindly. It felt right to me to tell my truth even if it meant it would injure another. With maturity, I learned to use my truth less as a sword and more as a shield. The truth shielded me from others because when I found myself in a situation that could cause me harm or harm to another, I easily and quickly spoke that truth. It takes courage to tell the truth whether in minor or major situations.
Minor Situations
Standing in line at the Starbuck's, there were only two people in front of me waiting to be served by the one attendant behind the counter. The man in the front of the line must have had a large order because the attendant was working busily for several minutes. Soon, another employee of Starbuck's came to the far end of the counter and struck up a conversation with the attendant behind the counter.
Clearly this conversation was causing the attendant to work slower and several more minutes went by. I could see on the faces of the two people in front of me that they noticed this delay, as well, but neither said a word. The two gave each other knowing glances but neither said anything to the attendant.
Past experience with similar situations told me that the two in front of me would more likely start complaining to each other rather than to say anything to the attendant. As kindly as I could and after taking a few deep breaths, I asked the two employees if they could please hold off their conversation until after we have been serviced. Obviously surprised by what I requested, they both apologized and ended their discussion. The line moved quickly thereafter.
How many times have you found yourself in a similar situation? Did you speak your truth? Did you instead express your frustration with sighs, gasps or snide comments to others? If you did speak up, were you kind? If you did not speak up at all, why not? What were you afraid of?
Major Situations
Ending a relationship is a major situation in which many people are unwilling to speak their truth. The quote from Conversations with God that I used in the opening is very powerful. The most powerful part, in my opinion, is:
. . . change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity.
In relationships, some times your truth changes. For instance, you may have once wanted to be in a committed, monogamous relationship but your truth changed one day and you now may want the experience of being single. Without question, this truth is difficult to express to another. However, doesn't speaking your truth give more honor to the love you may have shared with your partner?
How many times have you been in a relationship and your mate behavior begins to change and you are never told why? Perhaps the relationship ended because of this change in behavior?
A friend recently spoke to me about the importance of bringing honorable closure in a relationship. My friend talked about not letting the relationship simply dissipate like water trickling out of a bucket with a small hole in it. Instead, it is important to acknowledge aloud to each other that it is time to end the relationship. An honorable closure enables you to both acknowledge the importance of the experience you had together and then be able to move on with integrity.
How you speak and live your truth is a testimony to who you are on this journey. Would not the journey be more enjoyable if we each had the courage, honor and integrity to have our spoken truth in alignment with the truth we live?
Friday, January 11, 2008
Journey in Relationships
Best-selling author, motivational speaker, Iyanla Vanzant says that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Those coming into your life for a defined reason, I call Pit Stop Buddies. The seasonal folks, I referred to as Mile Marker Mates and those in for the long term are Lifelong Travelers. The purpose in identifying people in your life using these designations is to determine what role these relationships pay in your life journey. Are they there to teach you a specific lesson then move on? Are they there for a span of time? Are they there for a lifetime experience?
Pit Stop Buddies
It may be a chance meeting, divine synchronicity or as the saying goes, “Two ships that pass in the night.” These encounters happen relatively swiftly and while brief, they are intense. You feel some kind of connection to this person. You may connect in a way that makes you remark, “It feels like we have known each other forever.” It is not only in romantic relationship this type of synergy happens. You and the Pit Stop Buddy could be coworkers, neighbors or participants in similar activities. You hit it off right from the start; so much so, you may begin to think it would be hard to imagine your life without that person. Then the relationship ends as quickly as it began.
You may be left wondering what happened and why. The experience may feel like a roller coaster ride: exhilarating, exciting and . . . over in a flash. Although the Pit Stop Buddy entrance and exit are swift, s/he may leave an indelible mark on you. The swift ending may leave you feeling confused, betrayed or angry.
It is important to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Suppressing or denying your feelings can lead to a host of other challenges physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. A good tool to use to sort those feelings out is journaling.
Once you sort those feelings out it is also helpful to do some reflecting and introspection. What did the Pit Stop Buddy bring to your life? What lasting mark did s\he make? Did you learn something new about your self? Did you venture outside of your comfort zone and try something new? You may find it helpful to consider these questions while doing a meditation.
Mile Marker Mates
When you are traveling, there a mile markers along the way that indicate how far you have traveled and how many miles are remaining. For example, the marker may read, “2/12“ which indicates that the road you traveling on is 12 miles long and you have traveled 2 miles thus far. When you get to another road the count begins anew.
As you travel the journey of life, you encounter Mile Marker Mates who are in your life for a span of time. As you travel together, it feels right. It feels good. It is mutually beneficial. Then it ends.
The ending is not abrupt like with the Pit Stop Buddy. The relationship with the Mile Marker is one that runs its course. For example, you may have been close college buddies and once college is over you each go your separate ways to continue the next leg of you journey on different paths.
As much as it may be clear to both of you that it is time to part, it still may bring up difficult emotions. One or both of you may find it hard to accept that your respective journeys are taking you in different directions.
Lifelong Travelers
The Lifelong Traveler is on your journey for 20 years or more. Counted in this group may be your parents, children or siblings. It could also be your spouse, life partner or a childhood friendship that spans into adulthood. These folks have experience the depth and breadth of your journey. They were there for the valley and mountaintop experiences.
Do not be misled by the label however. Lifetime Travelers may at some point no longer be on your path. Of course, it could be the result of a death but it also could be that after two decades or more, the two of you head in different directions.
It is also important not to assume that Lifelong Travelers are better than Pit Stop Buddies or Mile Marker Mates. Conversations with God, the best-selling book by Neale Donald Walsch puts it this way,
When you know whether a person on your journey of life is a Pit Stop Buddy, Mile Marker or Lifetime Traveler, you can better experience Who You Really Are within that relationship. In all relationships, you are there to do inner work, to find your authentic self and live out your life journey on purpose.
Pit Stop Buddies
It may be a chance meeting, divine synchronicity or as the saying goes, “Two ships that pass in the night.” These encounters happen relatively swiftly and while brief, they are intense. You feel some kind of connection to this person. You may connect in a way that makes you remark, “It feels like we have known each other forever.” It is not only in romantic relationship this type of synergy happens. You and the Pit Stop Buddy could be coworkers, neighbors or participants in similar activities. You hit it off right from the start; so much so, you may begin to think it would be hard to imagine your life without that person. Then the relationship ends as quickly as it began.
You may be left wondering what happened and why. The experience may feel like a roller coaster ride: exhilarating, exciting and . . . over in a flash. Although the Pit Stop Buddy entrance and exit are swift, s/he may leave an indelible mark on you. The swift ending may leave you feeling confused, betrayed or angry.
It is important to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Suppressing or denying your feelings can lead to a host of other challenges physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. A good tool to use to sort those feelings out is journaling.
Once you sort those feelings out it is also helpful to do some reflecting and introspection. What did the Pit Stop Buddy bring to your life? What lasting mark did s\he make? Did you learn something new about your self? Did you venture outside of your comfort zone and try something new? You may find it helpful to consider these questions while doing a meditation.
Mile Marker Mates
When you are traveling, there a mile markers along the way that indicate how far you have traveled and how many miles are remaining. For example, the marker may read, “2/12“ which indicates that the road you traveling on is 12 miles long and you have traveled 2 miles thus far. When you get to another road the count begins anew.
As you travel the journey of life, you encounter Mile Marker Mates who are in your life for a span of time. As you travel together, it feels right. It feels good. It is mutually beneficial. Then it ends.
The ending is not abrupt like with the Pit Stop Buddy. The relationship with the Mile Marker is one that runs its course. For example, you may have been close college buddies and once college is over you each go your separate ways to continue the next leg of you journey on different paths.
As much as it may be clear to both of you that it is time to part, it still may bring up difficult emotions. One or both of you may find it hard to accept that your respective journeys are taking you in different directions.
Lifelong Travelers
The Lifelong Traveler is on your journey for 20 years or more. Counted in this group may be your parents, children or siblings. It could also be your spouse, life partner or a childhood friendship that spans into adulthood. These folks have experience the depth and breadth of your journey. They were there for the valley and mountaintop experiences.
Do not be misled by the label however. Lifetime Travelers may at some point no longer be on your path. Of course, it could be the result of a death but it also could be that after two decades or more, the two of you head in different directions.
It is also important not to assume that Lifelong Travelers are better than Pit Stop Buddies or Mile Marker Mates. Conversations with God, the best-selling book by Neale Donald Walsch puts it this way,
“Try not to confuse longevity with a job well done. Remember, your job on the planet is not to see how long you can stay in a relationship. It’s to decide and experience Who You Really Are.”
When you know whether a person on your journey of life is a Pit Stop Buddy, Mile Marker or Lifetime Traveler, you can better experience Who You Really Are within that relationship. In all relationships, you are there to do inner work, to find your authentic self and live out your life journey on purpose.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)