Four Hats Thriving Artist Wear

Want to be an accomplished artist? Wear these four hats.

THE ARTIST
To be an artist you must make art. Sounds like an obtuse statement; but you may be surprised at how many artists do not spend regular, consistent time creating. Here is how to ensure that you make art:

• Schedule it. We make time for things that we plan to make time for. Put your art making time on your calendar. 
• Go on Artist Dates. Julian Cameron in her brilliant book, The Artist Way, "The Artist Date is a once a week, festive,  solo expedition to explore that interest you." Carving out this time fires up your imagination which is what every artist needs to create.

THE ADVOCATE

Be a promoter and defender of your craft. Be active in your community of artists. Serve on the board for your state art council or join organizations dedicated to your art form. Your service to these organizations will enable you to:

• Stay abreast of happenings in your industry. 
• Be a part of a community. So often working as an artist can feel very isolating.
• Be of service. You have to give to get. 

THE AUTHORITY
Share information about what you know best: how you create art. The public loves to hear about how artists do what they do. What inspires you? What is your creative process? Who do you admire in your field? Share these insights on your social media timelines. By sharing, you position yourself as knowledgeable (which you are!) and you become a resource.

THE AUTHOR
Publish what you know. (You really do know a great deal!) Even if writing is not your gift,  you can publish. For example, if you are a photographer you could publish some of your pictures. If you are a dancer, you could share your audition horror stories.  Today there are a plethora of ways to get a byline, such as starting a blog or writing your own e-book.

Wear those four hats and you will create a fulfilling creative artist's life.

Purpose Economy

"Each of us has within us a gift to give.  Your gift is a unique set of talents, skills and abilities, which were given to you by the Creator to respond to a need in the Universe. It is your contribution. In a word, your contribution is your PURPOSE."

So begins my book, Journey to Purpose: A Simple Guide to Discovering Your Life Purpose.  My goal in writing this book in 2004 was to share the tools I used to discover my purpose. 

A decade later, I am hearing more and more about how the economy is shifting from an information based to purpose focused economy.  As Millennials become a larger part of the workforce, greater attention is given to finding a career that satisfies a need greater than simply acquiring wealth. People are seeking personal growth and experience in their work and want to be involved in work that benefits the whole, as well as the individual.

Long gone are the days where you get a job with a company, remain there for decades, and retire with a pension.  While that was certainly the model of the Baby Boomers, the Millennials have no such model, and regard that model as a complete illusion; and for good reason.  Graduating with mountains of student debt and experiencing periods of unemployment that can easily span several months and some time even years, few workers believe in patriarchal employer offering salvation.

More and more people are wanting the 8 to 10 hours spent at their jobs to mean something.  Aaron Hurst, author of Purpose Economy writes, “We believe in a more humane world where by better understanding our purpose we are able to unite to better solve the world’s problems.”

Imagine a society where the majority of us are making a living doing what we love and feel passionate about. Imagine a society where most are seeking work that enhances relationships and builds community. Do you believe such a society is in the realm of possibility? Do you want to be a part of such a world? Do you know your purpose?

If you are seeking to know what your purpose is, I encourage you to get my book. If you want a free excerpt email me. For more information about the shift to Purpose Economy, check out this video:

Love Yourself

“You cannot give away what you don’t have.” Are you familiar with that old adage? I often have to remind myself of this truth. How am I to be generous, patient and kind to others, when I find that I deny myself, am self-critical and try to use negative reinforcement to motivate myself?


“Your dress size is a clear indication that you do not need that ice cream.” This statement serves to motivate me to make healthy food choices. A more effective self-talk would be: “I lovingly choose foods that help me maintain a healthy lifestyle.”

Charity truly does begin at home. My mission to use story to empower others to think critically, choose wisely and believe fervently in their ability to succeed must begin with me. So I must ask myself, “What stories are you telling yourself?” “Are the words you speak to yourself inspiring and empowering?”

To motivate myself to maintain my four-day-a-week exercise regiment, I remind myself of how far I have come in my physical rehabilitation, since my near-fatal car accident in August 2009. This story is far more encouraging than berating myself about my dress size.

That inner critic is an enemy to many people. If most people were to broadcast their inner voice, undoubtedly, it would be a barrage of negative self-talk. It is my strong belief that such self-sabotaging talk has absolutely no value. In fact, I would purport that negative self-talk is the major contributor to low self-esteem and a major obstacle to obtaining goals.

If you want to begin to silence that inner critic, spend just a few minutes at the start of your day speaking loving, affirming words to yourself, while looking in a mirror. If you need help with writing your daily affirmation, check out the book, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. It contains powerful, loving affirmations for every area of your life: relationships, work and health.

Start each day loving yourself and you will find you have so much more love to give to others.

Tools to Use in the Valley

Living a life on purpose is not without its challenges. Without question, doing what you love and making a living at it is very rewarding. However, like all journeys, it has within it, mountain top experiences and valley experiences.

In the 17 years I have been a professional storyteller, the valley experiences have included:

• Drastic fluctuations in my income
• Feelings of isolation from working independently
• Sacrificing personal luxuries to maintain financial stability 

How long I stay in the valley often depends on how effectively I use and apply the following tools:

• Journaling: It is the best and cheapest brand of therapy.
• Prayer/Meditation: If I am consistently spending time in quiet reflection, it gives me an inner calm that often can override the outer chaos.
• Support Circle: It has been a blessing to be in a circle of people who can encourage and inspire me when I am in the valley. The organizations, National Association of Black Storytellers and Keepers of the Culture have given me immeasurable support on this journey. My own circle of family and friends have also given me unwavering support. If you do not have such a support circle in your life, it may be time to change your flock. 

On your journey, if you find yourself in the valley, employ these tools and let me know how they work for you. If you have other tools that you have found effective, please share, I am always looking for more. If you need help discovering your life’s purpose, check out my e-book. If you join the mailing list, you can get a free excerpt of the book.

 

Whatever path you take, just remember that the valley is the space between two mountains.

 

 

 

Making Decisions

“When you make a decision have your mind made up.”


A friend quoting his mentor shared this pearl of wisdom. This message in this statement is to hold firm to your conviction and be certain that your conviction is indeed your truth. It is not about rigidity or inflexibility but rather about integrity and impeccable speech.

Often folks are careless with their speech and arrive at a decision through uncontrolled emotions that lead to making not too well-thought out declarations. When the consequences of that decision begins to unfold, the speaker begins to back off that declaration or when others offer their opposing opinions about the decision, the speaker begins to waiver.

Recently, a friend asked me questions about my decision to end some relationships. She asked me:

•Did you have regrets for moving on and letting friends go?

•Have your friends reached out to you?

•Did you make new friends?

•Was it worth it?

To the first question I would say, “No.” It really takes me a significant about time and prayer to end a relationship, especially a long-term relationship. Consequently, once I arrived at that the decision there are no regrets. To the next question, I would have to say that I did not leave much room to reopen the door, once it was closed. It is not that there is no chance for reconciliation later down the path. Once I see that the current conditions are not conducive for the relationship to continue, I end it. Normally, I do not outline what conditions have to change because then I feel like I am getting into the “you-must-change” mode, which rarely serves anyone. I do not believe you can change others or should ask others to change. You can only change you and the way you respond to others.

Did I make new friends? My new flock is evolving. I am thankful that in the evolution, I am enjoying my own company. Finally, to the last question: “Was it worth it?” I would say, “Yes.”

At the root of this decision was my desire to take good care of myself, despite the difficulties that come with ending a relationship. In the end, when I make a decision, I pray that it is for my highest good. This journey called, life, is an opportunity for me to create higher and higher versions of myself. I pray daily that this intention is the basis for all my decisions.

Changing My Flock

I heard it said that in 15 seconds you can tell how successful a person will be by asking them two questions:

• What books do you read?
• What people do you spend the most time with?

My replies to these questions were very revealing to me. As for the first question, my book shelves are lined with personal development books that have helped me immensely, in every area of my life. As for the second question, I always thought myself to be a good judge of character and considered my closest friends to be decent, kind people, with strong spiritual foundations. Upon further inspection, I discovered that my closest circle of friends were not on a similar path as I.

 

Here’s what I mean. When I listed my goals and dreams on one side of the paper and listed my friends on the other, there was no connection. No one in my flock of friends had accomplished the things I wanted for myself nor were they on a path headed in that direction. Now, it is not necessary that everyone in your circle have the same aspirations; however, there certainly should be someone in your flock who can provide insight, advice or information on how to get where you want to go.

 

Being on purpose, serving others and building an empire by combining those two aspirations, has been my path for nearly two decades. There must be someone in my flock that is flying ahead of me who can say, “This way.” Or someone flying next to me in the pack who can say, “We can do this.”

 

This epiphany led me to end some relationships. Iyanla Vanzant once said, “People come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime.” I ended those relationships that were clearly seasonal. Relationships, in which, what we shared together did not measure up against the barometer of what we could accomplish together. I ended relationships, in which, my instincts told me for some time, that our paths were not in alignment, despite the affections we shared between us.

 

Recently, I read an excerpt from a book called, The Power of Story: Change your Destiny in Business and in Life. The premise of the book is to examine your life, as if it were a story that you tell to yourself. Upon examination of that story, you may decide to make changes. Upon examination of my story, I decided to make changes in the supporting characters to ensure that my story would unfold according to my vision and purpose.

 

What is your story? Do the characters in your life support the vision and purpose you have for your life? Are there changes you need to make to the characters or setting? What books do you read? What people do you spend your time with?

 

A New Woman

One Saturday afternoon, the television was tuned to a video marathon of R&B tunes from the mid 1980s and early 1990s. Just the backdrop I love, as I put some TLC in my home.

As I swept, mopped and dusted, I crooned out the lyrics to songs from artists, such as Anita Baker, Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass. Memories began to flood my mind. Howard University 1985: Club Philly meeting about South Africa Apartheid; February 1989: at my father’s bedside in his last moments; September 1992: my baby girl is born.

For the most part, these memories bring me smiles. Then, as I looked back in my mind’s eye at the woman I used to be, I had an epiphany: I am not that woman anymore. It is not simply a matter of maturation. It is a fundamental shift in WHO I AM.

Sure, many of the values I had in my twenties remain today: integrity, commitment to justice, and love for family. Now, my hopes and dreams are so different. Once I dreamed of forever and ever love. Now I dream of loving higher and higher versions of myself.

If someone was to knock on my door today, and announce that I could realize all the dreams of the woman I was at 28 years old, my reply would be, “No thank you, that woman does not live here anymore.”

Tell me. What would you say to an offer of realizing your dreams of long ago?

Out of the Valley

"I've had so many rainbows in my clouds." ~Maya Angelou

My last post was nearly a year ago. In that post, (and in the many of those immediately preceding it), I wrote a great deal about a valley experience. It thrills me to report that I am out of the valley. It is equally thrilling to share that I am so grateful for all that happened down in the valley.

What brought me to the valley was a near-fatal car accident, which was soon followed by an abrupt ending to a love affair. What kept me in the valley was my deepest desire to learn all that the valley had to teach me, so I might rise from it better, wiser, stronger.

So here I am. Without a doubt, I am better, wiser and stronger. My greatest lesson is that the Creator answers prayers.

One prayer was: "Show me who this man really is." After the prayer was done, I pledged not to turn my head at the parts I did not like; and promised to do what needs to be done, if he turns out to be someone who needs to be eradicated from my life. Within days, all I needed to know was revealed and I ended the relationship.

So here I am on the mountaintop. The scenery is very different. Some of the people who were with me when I descended into the valley are not here now. I also ended a few friendships that clearly hindered my ascent, realizing that to soar higher, my flock had to change.

Making these choices was not easy. Choosing this path was not popular. Taking the steps needed to climb out of the valley was not pretty or graceful. Nonetheless it was necessary.

"Right may not be expected. It may not be profitable. But it will satisfy the soul."

~ Maya Angelou

Recycling

What if I could take a bad experience and recycling it?

Everything on the Journey has value. (Labeling experiences good or bad may result in me overlooking that value. For the sake of this exercise, I will use the term bad in this post.)

Here is what I imagine I could do with the pain someone caused me . . .

I'm gonna take all the bad things you did to me and take them down to the recycling center.

I'm gonna put them in an odorless trash bag so they do not pollute the air during the transport.

I'M GONNA UNLOAD IT ALL.

Perhaps your betrayal will become a bicycle some little boy will ride and feel free.

Perhaps your lies will become a light bulb that will help a lost child find her way home.

Perhaps the tears you caused will become a tiara some little girl clings to as she dreams of being a princess.

Yeah, I'm gonna take all those bad things you did to me and turn them into something useful; something worth having; something worth sharing.

You see, that's what storytellers do. We take all the bad stuff that has happened and use it to teach, to inspire and to heal.

Chasing Rainbows

Below is a post I wrote several months ago but did not publish because I thought is needed some polishing. It was written when I was in a different space than I am now. Hope and faith filled me to the brim, then. Now, hope and faith is just returning to my heart as I ascend from the valley.

Reading my words from a time I was hopeful and faithful is like listening to a wise friend. It feels like Grace has been found me again.

Don't let them steal your rainbow, Queen.

~ My King


After a rainstorm passes over, I often run outside to look for rainbows. Lately, there have been quite a few thunderstorms and I have been treated to the most brilliant arches of color.

Are you are rainbow chaser?

In the midst of language such as, the worse recession since the depression and economic crisis, it may be hard to stay on the path of high vibration, positive energy and awaken consciousness. Everywhere you turn people are talking about how bad it is.

Whatever the balance in your financial portfolio; however challenging your current economic situation; I would bet the farm that if you sat down and wrote a list of the things you do have, you would find you have much to be grateful for.

I am not advocating ignoring any challenges you may be faced with now. What I am promoting is: before you go into action attempting to tackle those challenges, make a gratitude list. You may find that after making that list, you have a clearer mind and subsequently, a better plan of action may unfold.

If you need a daily inspirational message to keep you motivated, I recommend Notes from the Universe. If you want to a book to keep you lifted, I would suggest, Ask and It is Given.

Of course, I hope you find the post of my blog helpful :-).

Keep looking for the rainbows!

The Ascent Out of the Valley

The cloud cover on my heart and spirit is lifting. What's strange is: part of me wants to stay up under those dark clouds. It feels comfortable. Being checked out is getting to be comfortable.

However, there is another part of me that is ready to rise up out of the valley. That part of me knows it is time to start my ascent.

As the clouds clear, it is reasonable to expect my thoughts to still go back to what happened. The details of the storm that led to my descent will certainly still come to mind. Surveying the damage after the storm is normal. For a short time, I will be allowed to go back. Mourning what has been lost is natural. Retrieving what can be salvaged is expected.

Then, it is time to vacate the valley because it is not safe to stay any longer. An Authority comes to tell me to evacuate now. The directive is firm but gentle.

As I begin my ascent, I look back over my shoulder to look at the wreckage. It feels surreal. A sadness sweeps over me. Simultaneously, I feel a firm yet compassionate Presence leading me out of the dark into the sunlight.

Micheal Bernard Beckwith talks about three kinds of darkness:

1) Gestation Darkness: When something is about to be birthed from you.

2) Shedding Darkness: When a part of you that no longer serves you dies off.

3) Blinding Darkness: When you look directly into God's light and the brilliance temporarily takes away your sight.

All three seems to apply to my recent valley experience.

As the clouds lift, I am having trouble adjusting to the light. Still I put one foot in front of the other and move towards the light.

My footsteps may be wobbly. My muscles may have atrophy. Yet, I still go forward into the light.

Falling on the Journey

When Falling Apart Helps You Keep It Together is the title of a book on grief that a dear friend mentioned to me as we discussed my recent valley experiences. We discussed the benefits of collapsing into what you are feeling.

Recently, I allowed myself to do has invited by the poem, The Invitation, and sit with my pain without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. It felt like a collapse. The weight of recent events in my life led to this descent into the valley. The decision to fall was completely deliberate and with a consciousness. That is to say, it was not analogous to hurling myself off the side of a cliff but instead, allowing myself to free fall.

The former may be born out of desperation and hopelessness while the latter is sourced from a willingness to let go and let God. I also discovered that it requires strength and courage to face your own pain and fears and not shrink back. I had to be strong enough to allow myself to be vulnerable and not move to deny it.

For the most part my collapse has been in private. The solitude has not made the experience free of feelings of vulnerability. Just imagine standing completely nude in front of a full-length, 3-D mirror all alone.

Would you have the urge to avert your eyes from the image projected before you?

Would words of criticism come to mind and would that critique cause you to reach for your clothing?

Would you question the value in even engaging in such an activity?

Well, I answered all of those questions affirmatively when my collapse began. And I did it ANYWAY.

Never before have I experienced that kind of strength and courage that enabled me to collapse, to free fall and not know where the bottom was or if it would come at all.

I am still falling.

The bottom has not come yet.

In the midst of the descent I have discovered parts of me that I had long forgotten. For instance, I am now reacquainted with the gambler's spirit in me. That part of me that is willing to take an adventure without knowing where it will lead. That part of me that believes the possibility of winning far outweighs the probability of losing.

The falling apart really is helping me keep it together.

The Invitation to the Journey

At the time this writing, I am in the valley.

Every person's journey leads them through terrain that includes mountains. As we know, between every two mountains is a valley. Today and for several days in the past seven weeks, I have had many valley experiences. My past travels prove to me that what Iyanla Vanzant says is true, "there is value in the valley."

Ever-present in the valley with me is the Divine. Rarely do I feel lonely, yet I am often alone. I am thankful that I enjoy my own company.

Often, I am vulnerable and afraid. More and more, I am learning just how much courage and strength it takes to allow myself to be vulnerable and afraid.

The Divine led me to pick up a book that I have had for years but have not read in quite some time. The book, The Invitation, is based on a poem by the same name. The following line from the poem is greatly assisting me in this moment in the valley,

"I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it."

In days to come, I will blog more about my valley experiences. For now, I invite you to read the poem, The Invitation. Let me know what you think about it; what did it stir in you; how did it make you feel; what is your visceral reaction to it?

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.



© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

Punctionality on the Journey

Actually, TAHIRA, everyone is reasonable.

They just have their own reasons.

And usually it's worth trying to learn what they are to maximize chances of a full-blown, 60's style, psychedelic lovefest. Which is always a good thing.

Groovy you,
The Universe

The above message is from Notes from the Universe. "Everyone is reasonable they just have their own reasons." Hmmmmm.

When I read this message, the first thing I thought was how unreasonable I think it is to be chronically late. As a person who prides herself on being on time, I find people who are habitually late very annoying.

Do they have their own reasons for being late? Absolutely!

Is it worth trying to learn what those reasons are to maximize chances of a fully blown, 60's style, psychedelic lovefest? My ego says, "Hell no!"


My spirit is having a hard time getting into the conversation.

Functionality is about integrity for me. Of course, each of us may fall short on occasion, but when you have a reputation for rarely being on time that begs me to ask, "Whatsup with that?"

Are you seeking attention? Does it stem from some deep-root desire to self-sabotage?

For me, to honor your word is to be honored in this world. Now I will admit that I can be a bit obsessive about being on time. I also know that any obsession is unhealthy.

My punctuality obsession stems from my childhood. (Most obsession start there ;-) My mother demanded it. My father dismissed it.

The result: I brooded and pouted when my mother insisted on me being on time. I brooded and pouted when my father was rarely on time.

Am I missing out on some groovy experience by not allowing others to continually make me wait?

I read somewhere once, that when you are waiting you should see it as an opportunity to practice patience. Unfortunately, patience is another character flaw of mine.

Life is Easy

TAHIRA, it's supposed to be easy. Everything is supposed to be easy. Everything is easy. You live in a dream world. You're surrounded by illusions. And the illusions change when you change your thinking!

Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it a mantra. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. And your life shall be transformed.

It's supposed to be easy,
The Universe

The message above was emailed to me. I get personalized daily messages to remind me of life's magic and my divinity from Notes from the Universe. Each morning I look forward to reading the message of the day. The morning I got this message I had been feeling overwhelmed by the many demands in my life. I was able to shift my energy from frustration to inspiration by creating a post to my blog. Shortly thereafter however, I felt my vibration shifting back into low gear.

When I read this message I decide to make, "It's easy," my mantra for the day. Now, a week later I find myself still using this mantra.

When I look at the long to-do list I tell myself, "It's easy."

When I stare at a blank piece of paper hoping some words will spill forth from me and onto the page to share with others, I tell myself, "It's easy."

When I look at my daughter and see her blossoming into a young lady that soon will be on her own, I tell myself, "It's easy."

When I think about my amazing relationship with my King but begin to wonder how we will manage to find time for each other and our children, I tell myself "It's easy."

"It's easy."

"It's easy."

"It's easy."

If you need a daily lift, sign-up for Notes from the Universe. If you know of any other inspiring daily message service, have your own mantra/affirmation/prayer you have found helpful, post a comment and let me know. I could use all the help I can get ;-).

Conspiracy Theory

Business. Creative work. Parenting. Personal life. There is so much I want and need to do in each of these areas. At times the weight of it all feels crippling.

Then I remember an undeniable truth: the Universe is always conspiring to do me good. For evidence of this truth, I do not have to look far. My recent healing is proof beyond a reasonable doubt.

Yet there are still times I look at my to-do list and I am overwhelmed. I begin to think about how I should have completed some of the tasks long before or how I should have more resources to get done what is on the list. I think to myself,

"I should do more, be more, have more."

Then I remember something I heard Iyanla Vanzant say, "Never should on yourself."

Recently I had an epiphany about my work as a writer versus my work as a storyteller. Writing is so cerebral to me. Writing gets me inside my head. It's mind-work. If my mind is busy, unsettled, writing clears out the clutter.

Storytelling is different. Storytelling gets me inside my heart. Storytelling is Spirit-work. If my spirit needs lifting, storytelling gives me the elevation I need.

Writing and storytelling are essential to my wholeness. One no more important than the other. Yet it is essential that I have a good balance of both in order to prevent feeling overwhelmed by that infamous to-do list.

BOTH writing and storytelling are ever-present reminders that the Universe is conspiring on my behalf, every minute of every day.

Now I better get back to that long to do list!

What if you are Wrong?

Do you carry a memory of past hurts and disappointments? Is there someone you need to forgive? Forgiveness is about releasing your need for revenge. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself. Forgiveness is NOT about sanctioning the behavior of the offender.

Surely all of us have been harmed or disappointed by another. The key is what you DO with those feelings of pain and disappointments. Do you hold on to the memory, believing by doing so you are insuring that the person responsible is held accountable? I have heard many spiritual teachers describe this type of behavior: “Taking poison and expecting someone else to get sick.”

Few things are more poisonous than holding on to past hurts. It impedes your progress on the journey. It as if you shackle your feet with cement blocks and then attempt to run. Clearly, there is a better method of taking the journey.

Iyanla Vanzant describes the Law of Forgiveness in her book, Acts of Faith, as: “Infusing the mind with natural healthy ideas that take away the darkness and bring in the light.”

When you bring in the light, you will find peace and happiness. When you hold on to hurts, you may certainly feel RIGHT and JUST, but you rarely feel peaceful or happy. I pose to you the question popularized by Dr. Phil, “Would you rather be right or happy?”

Still not convinced?

Consider these questions: What if you are wrong? What if the reasons why you think, the person acted in the way that you, are all wrong? What if it did not even happen the way you remembered it? What if the person’s motivations were different from what you thought they were?

I can imagine you may not want to explore these questions. You may even have feelings of anger at the mere suggestions these questions pose. Let me give you an example from my own life of what came up for me when I allowed myself to explore these questions.

For years I resented my father for not keeping his word with me. I can remember sitting and waiting for him for hours to take me somewhere only to find out he made other plans, usually with someone else, and that someone else was usually a woman.

From that experience I began to believe that all men (not just my father) lacked integrity, were unreliable and unfaithful. I subsequently found that to be true in my relationships with men (surprise, surprise.) I would recount this story over and over again. That story was my proof that men were unreliable.

When I dug deeper and began to explore this story from the perspective of what if I am wrong? I discovered that my dad might tell this story differently.


First of all, he would say that he likely never made a firm commitment to do what I asked. And that would be true. He often replied to my request by saying, “We’ll see.”

Secondly, my father always believed I could take care of myself. He thought I always demonstrated that I was capable, which is also true. I always had a contingency plan. If he did not come through, I had a back up plan ready to be executed.

So, my father’s story goes something like this, “My daughter made requests of me that I sometimes could not honor but she was OK with it because she always had other options.”

The reason he may think I was OK with his behavior is because I NEVER told him otherwise. My reasoning for not letting him know I was hurt or disappointed was that I did not want him to know he had the power to injury me.

So you see, it just like my Pop-Pop always told me, “There are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.”

So I ask you, “What if you are wrong?”


Excerpt from my book, Journey to Purpose: Simple Guide to Discovering Your Life Purpose ©2007 T. Dorsey.

Enjoying the Journey

My sister and I were talking recently about how we each stress and worry about things even things we enjoy doing. We realize that when we obsess this way we deprive ourselves of all the good in the experience.

For example, my sister decided she was going to go on vacation this summer. Immediately after making that decision, she began worrying about how she will be able to afford it, how could she find somewhere within her budget and on and on.

Instead of visualizing the many places whe could go or how great it would feel to take time off from work she was stressing, worrying and obsessing. Her daughter pointed this negative behavior out to her and suggested she take a breath and enjoy the process. To begin, my sister could check out vacation spots on the web, cut out pictures of vacation spots from magazines, talk to coworkers about their recent vacations.

This technique of enjoying the process can also be aplied to every day activities as well. My sister has a rental property that she has been getting inquires about. She can choose to get overwhelmed by the many calls and numerous showings she has to do with prospective renters. She also can choose to feel good that she will be ale to offer a family a safe, beautiful, comfortable housing. She can choose to view the rental application process as an opportunity to meet different people which is something that has always brought her joy. She can choose to be grateful that she has many applicants to choose from increasing the chances she will find the right tenant for her property.

In sum, she can enjoy the process. It is not about pretending or stifling your real feelings. It is about really looking at what is before you and see clearly what is authentically.

When you change the way you look at a thing, the thing you look at changes. Every time. Guaranteed.

Journey in Relationships

Best-selling author, motivational speaker, Iyanla Vanzant says that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Those coming into your life for a defined reason, I call Pit Stop Buddies. The seasonal folks, I referred to as Mile Marker Mates and those in for the long term are Lifelong Travelers. The purpose in identifying people in your life using these designations is to determine what role these relationships pay in your life journey. Are they there to teach you a specific lesson then move on? Are they there for a span of time? Are they there for a lifetime experience?

Pit Stop Buddies
It may be a chance meeting, divine synchronicity or as the saying goes, “Two ships that pass in the night.” These encounters happen relatively swiftly and while brief, they are intense. You feel some kind of connection to this person. You may connect in a way that makes you remark, “It feels like we have known each other forever.” It is not only in romantic relationship this type of synergy happens. You and the Pit Stop Buddy could be coworkers, neighbors or participants in similar activities. You hit it off right from the start; so much so, you may begin to think it would be hard to imagine your life without that person. Then the relationship ends as quickly as it began.

You may be left wondering what happened and why. The experience may feel like a roller coaster ride: exhilarating, exciting and . . . over in a flash. Although the Pit Stop Buddy entrance and exit are swift, s/he may leave an indelible mark on you. The swift ending may leave you feeling confused, betrayed or angry.

It is important to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Suppressing or denying your feelings can lead to a host of other challenges physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. A good tool to use to sort those feelings out is journaling.

Once you sort those feelings out it is also helpful to do some reflecting and introspection. What did the Pit Stop Buddy bring to your life? What lasting mark did s\he make? Did you learn something new about your self? Did you venture outside of your comfort zone and try something new? You may find it helpful to consider these questions while doing a meditation.

Mile Marker Mates
When you are traveling, there a mile markers along the way that indicate how far you have traveled and how many miles are remaining. For example, the marker may read, “2/12“ which indicates that the road you traveling on is 12 miles long and you have traveled 2 miles thus far. When you get to another road the count begins anew.

As you travel the journey of life, you encounter Mile Marker Mates who are in your life for a span of time. As you travel together, it feels right. It feels good. It is mutually beneficial. Then it ends.

The ending is not abrupt like with the Pit Stop Buddy. The relationship with the Mile Marker is one that runs its course. For example, you may have been close college buddies and once college is over you each go your separate ways to continue the next leg of you journey on different paths.

As much as it may be clear to both of you that it is time to part, it still may bring up difficult emotions. One or both of you may find it hard to accept that your respective journeys are taking you in different directions.

Lifelong Travelers
The Lifelong Traveler is on your journey for 20 years or more. Counted in this group may be your parents, children or siblings. It could also be your spouse, life partner or a childhood friendship that spans into adulthood. These folks have experience the depth and breadth of your journey. They were there for the valley and mountaintop experiences.

Do not be misled by the label however. Lifetime Travelers may at some point no longer be on your path. Of course, it could be the result of a death but it also could be that after two decades or more, the two of you head in different directions.

It is also important not to assume that Lifelong Travelers are better than Pit Stop Buddies or Mile Marker Mates. Conversations with God, the best-selling book by Neale Donald Walsch puts it this way,

“Try not to confuse longevity with a job well done. Remember, your job on the planet is not to see how long you can stay in a relationship. It’s to decide and experience Who You Really Are.”

When you know whether a person on your journey of life is a Pit Stop Buddy, Mile Marker or Lifetime Traveler, you can better experience Who You Really Are within that relationship. In all relationships, you are there to do inner work, to find your authentic self and live out your life journey on purpose.

Making Your Passion Profitable

Once you have found your life purpose, how do you stay true to it? What if living your life purpose does not enable you to make a living? How do you stay the course of the journey when your life purpose does not produce enough visible money to enable you to pay your bills?

Often people wonder how they can pursue their passion and meet their financial obligations with ease. One approach to achieving this goal is to begin doing what you are passionate about as a part-time venture while still maintaining your full time employment. Look for opportunities to free lance or do work on a contract basis. This way you test the waters instead of plunging headfirst.

Also, network with people already in the industry you want to enter. You can find out how others made their passion profitable. Do not be timid about asking others for advice. People like talking about their successes. You may also learn about opportunities you can take advantage of without ‘quitting your day job’ just yet.

As my business as a storyteller got more profitable, I stopped doing birthday parties, coffee houses and other small venues because the clients had limited funds and my work was shaping up to be more suitable for larger venues. At the time, I knew a budding storyteller and I passed those gigs on to her. Not only did she get an opportunity to make money at her passion, but also with a recommendation from me, clients who may not have given a newcomer a shot, were now ringing her phone.

Another approach to ensuring that your life purpose is profitable is to be certain not to narrowly define your life purpose. Brainstorm different ways you can do the work you love. Think about non-traditional avenues to pursue your passion. Explore unconventional methods. Let’s say your passion is to have your own therapy practice. If you define your purpose that narrowly (own my own therapy practice) then you limit the opportunities available to you. Define your purpose more broadly such as:

“My life purpose is to use my skills as a mental health practitioner to help couples and families live happier, healthier lives.”

Do you see how other avenues become possible with this broadly defined purpose? You could conduct workshops on parenting. You could write articles for industry publications. You could do weekend seminars on subjects related to families and relationships.

To assist you in defining your life purpose and to allow for maximum opportunities, you should write a mission statement. This statement should define what you want to do; for whom you want to do it; and why you want to do it. In our example above:

What = use my skills as a mental health practitioner
For whom = couples and families
Why = to help them live happier and healthier

Having a mission statement also gives you clarity about your life purpose. Your mission statement can be your beacon of light to help you stay the course on your journey to purpose.

To summarize, to make your passion profitable:

• Begin with a part-time venture
• Network to find out how others did it
• Look for unconventional methods
• Broadly define a mission statement of your purpose

Consistently apply these tactics. Stay positive. Keep the faith. Soon you will find that the profits begin to roll in.