“You cannot give away what you don’t have.” Are you familiar with that old adage? I often have to remind myself of this truth. How am I to be generous, patient and kind to others, when I find that I deny myself, am self-critical and try to use negative reinforcement to motivate myself?
“Your dress size is a clear indication that you do not need that ice cream.” This statement serves to motivate me to make healthy food choices. A more effective self-talk would be: “I lovingly choose foods that help me maintain a healthy lifestyle.”
Charity truly does begin at home. My mission to use story to empower others to think critically, choose wisely and believe fervently in their ability to succeed must begin with me. So I must ask myself, “What stories are you telling yourself?” “Are the words you speak to yourself inspiring and empowering?”
To motivate myself to maintain my four-day-a-week exercise regiment, I remind myself of how far I have come in my physical rehabilitation, since my near-fatal car accident in August 2009. This story is far more encouraging than berating myself about my dress size.
That inner critic is an enemy to many people. If most people were to broadcast their inner voice, undoubtedly, it would be a barrage of negative self-talk. It is my strong belief that such self-sabotaging talk has absolutely no value. In fact, I would purport that negative self-talk is the major contributor to low self-esteem and a major obstacle to obtaining goals.
If you want to begin to silence that inner critic, spend just a few minutes at the start of your day speaking loving, affirming words to yourself, while looking in a mirror. If you need help with writing your daily affirmation, check out the book, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. It contains powerful, loving affirmations for every area of your life: relationships, work and health.
Start each day loving yourself and you will find you have so much more love to give to others.
Showing posts with label self-love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-love. Show all posts
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Be Generous
Lately, I have been reminding myself to be generous to myself; not with gifts per se, but rather kind words, patience, time and attention. My generosity has shown up in consistent trips to the gym and longer times in bed. When I open my eyes in the morning, instead of running down my long to-do list, I scan my body and assess whether I am rested enough. If I am not well-rested and my schedule allows, I remain in the bed. I may or may not go back to sleep, but I will lie in the bed and do some affirmations.
It dawned on me recently, that there was a time when I was in a consistent state of spiritual consciousness. I would start my day in a prayerful state and throughout the day use affirmations and breathing to maintain spiritual alignment. For years, my day started with this affirmation I read in one of Iyanla Vanzant’s books.
Here is a song by India.Arie that captures this lesson beautifully. The song is appropriately entitled, “Beautiful Day.” Enjoy!
It dawned on me recently, that there was a time when I was in a consistent state of spiritual consciousness. I would start my day in a prayerful state and throughout the day use affirmations and breathing to maintain spiritual alignment. For years, my day started with this affirmation I read in one of Iyanla Vanzant’s books.
"I awake with clarity and peace of mind. I know who I am; what I am to do to; and how I am to do it. My clarity of mind gives me focus. The excitement in my heart urges me on. I know. I am sure. I am ready, willing and able to greet this day and all that it has in store. I am divinely guided and I know exactly what to do. I am on purpose."It has been awhile since I have been that state of heighten spiritual awareness. Lately, I have been more in my head; throwing myself into my day mind-first; consumed by my never-ending to-do list. Now that I have made a pledge to be generous to myself, I find I am slowing down and examining myself more closely. Self-reflection often brings me back to balance.
Here is a song by India.Arie that captures this lesson beautifully. The song is appropriately entitled, “Beautiful Day.” Enjoy!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
A New Woman
One Saturday afternoon, the television was tuned to a video marathon of R&B tunes from the mid 1980s and early 1990s. Just the backdrop I love, as I put some TLC in my home.
As I swept, mopped and dusted, I crooned out the lyrics to songs from artists, such as Anita Baker, Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass. Memories began to flood my mind. Howard University 1985: Club Philly meeting about South Africa Apartheid; February 1989: at my father’s bedside in his last moments; September 1992: my baby girl is born.
For the most part, these memories bring me smiles. Then, as I looked back in my mind’s eye at the woman I used to be, I had an epiphany: I am not that woman anymore. It is not simply a matter of maturation. It is a fundamental shift in WHO I AM.
Sure, many of the values I had in my twenties remain today: integrity, commitment to justice, and love for family. Now, my hopes and dreams are so different. Once I dreamed of forever and ever love. Now I dream of loving higher and higher versions of myself.
If someone was to knock on my door today, and announce that I could realize all the dreams of the woman I was at 28 years old, my reply would be, “No thank you, that woman does not live here anymore.”
Tell me. What would you say to an offer of realizing your dreams of long ago?
As I swept, mopped and dusted, I crooned out the lyrics to songs from artists, such as Anita Baker, Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass. Memories began to flood my mind. Howard University 1985: Club Philly meeting about South Africa Apartheid; February 1989: at my father’s bedside in his last moments; September 1992: my baby girl is born.
For the most part, these memories bring me smiles. Then, as I looked back in my mind’s eye at the woman I used to be, I had an epiphany: I am not that woman anymore. It is not simply a matter of maturation. It is a fundamental shift in WHO I AM.
Sure, many of the values I had in my twenties remain today: integrity, commitment to justice, and love for family. Now, my hopes and dreams are so different. Once I dreamed of forever and ever love. Now I dream of loving higher and higher versions of myself.
If someone was to knock on my door today, and announce that I could realize all the dreams of the woman I was at 28 years old, my reply would be, “No thank you, that woman does not live here anymore.”
Tell me. What would you say to an offer of realizing your dreams of long ago?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Out of the Valley
"I've had so many rainbows in my clouds." ~Maya Angelou
My last post was nearly a year ago. In that post, (and in the many of those immediately preceding it), I wrote a great deal about a valley experience. It thrills me to report that I am out of the valley. It is equally thrilling to share that I am so grateful for all that happened down in the valley.
What brought me to the valley was a near-fatal car accident, which was soon followed by an abrupt ending to a love affair. What kept me in the valley was my deepest desire to learn all that the valley had to teach me, so I might rise from it better, wiser, stronger.
So here I am. Without a doubt, I am better, wiser and stronger. My greatest lesson is that the Creator answers prayers.
One prayer was: "Show me who this man really is." After the prayer was done, I pledged not to turn my head at the parts I did not like; and promised to do what needs to be done, if he turns out to be someone who needs to be eradicated from my life. Within days, all I needed to know was revealed and I ended the relationship.
So here I am on the mountaintop. The scenery is very different. Some of the people who were with me when I descended into the valley are not here now. I also ended a few friendships that clearly hindered my ascent, realizing that to soar higher, my flock had to change.
Making these choices was not easy. Choosing this path was not popular. Taking the steps needed to climb out of the valley was not pretty or graceful. Nonetheless it was necessary.
"Right may not be expected. It may not be profitable. But it will satisfy the soul."~ Maya Angelou
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Ascent Out of the Valley
The cloud cover on my heart and spirit is lifting. What's strange is: part of me wants to stay up under those dark clouds. It feels comfortable. Being checked out is getting to be comfortable.
However, there is another part of me that is ready to rise up out of the valley. That part of me knows it is time to start my ascent.
As the clouds clear, it is reasonable to expect my thoughts to still go back to what happened. The details of the storm that led to my descent will certainly still come to mind. Surveying the damage after the storm is normal. For a short time, I will be allowed to go back. Mourning what has been lost is natural. Retrieving what can be salvaged is expected.
Then, it is time to vacate the valley because it is not safe to stay any longer. An Authority comes to tell me to evacuate now. The directive is firm but gentle.
As I begin my ascent, I look back over my shoulder to look at the wreckage. It feels surreal. A sadness sweeps over me. Simultaneously, I feel a firm yet compassionate Presence leading me out of the dark into the sunlight.
Micheal Bernard Beckwith talks about three kinds of darkness:
1) Gestation Darkness: When something is about to be birthed from you.
2) Shedding Darkness: When a part of you that no longer serves you dies off.
3) Blinding Darkness: When you look directly into God's light and the brilliance temporarily takes away your sight.
All three seems to apply to my recent valley experience.
As the clouds lift, I am having trouble adjusting to the light. Still I put one foot in front of the other and move towards the light.
My footsteps may be wobbly. My muscles may have atrophy. Yet, I still go forward into the light.
However, there is another part of me that is ready to rise up out of the valley. That part of me knows it is time to start my ascent.
As the clouds clear, it is reasonable to expect my thoughts to still go back to what happened. The details of the storm that led to my descent will certainly still come to mind. Surveying the damage after the storm is normal. For a short time, I will be allowed to go back. Mourning what has been lost is natural. Retrieving what can be salvaged is expected.
Then, it is time to vacate the valley because it is not safe to stay any longer. An Authority comes to tell me to evacuate now. The directive is firm but gentle.
As I begin my ascent, I look back over my shoulder to look at the wreckage. It feels surreal. A sadness sweeps over me. Simultaneously, I feel a firm yet compassionate Presence leading me out of the dark into the sunlight.
Micheal Bernard Beckwith talks about three kinds of darkness:
1) Gestation Darkness: When something is about to be birthed from you.
2) Shedding Darkness: When a part of you that no longer serves you dies off.
3) Blinding Darkness: When you look directly into God's light and the brilliance temporarily takes away your sight.
All three seems to apply to my recent valley experience.
As the clouds lift, I am having trouble adjusting to the light. Still I put one foot in front of the other and move towards the light.
My footsteps may be wobbly. My muscles may have atrophy. Yet, I still go forward into the light.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Life is Easy
TAHIRA, it's supposed to be easy. Everything is supposed to be easy. Everything is easy. You live in a dream world. You're surrounded by illusions. And the illusions change when you change your thinking!
Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it a mantra. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. And your life shall be transformed.
It's supposed to be easy,
The Universe
The message above was emailed to me. I get personalized daily messages to remind me of life's magic and my divinity from Notes from the Universe. Each morning I look forward to reading the message of the day. The morning I got this message I had been feeling overwhelmed by the many demands in my life. I was able to shift my energy from frustration to inspiration by creating a post to my blog. Shortly thereafter however, I felt my vibration shifting back into low gear.
When I read this message I decide to make, "It's easy," my mantra for the day. Now, a week later I find myself still using this mantra.
When I look at the long to-do list I tell myself, "It's easy."
When I stare at a blank piece of paper hoping some words will spill forth from me and onto the page to share with others, I tell myself, "It's easy."
When I look at my daughter and see her blossoming into a young lady that soon will be on her own, I tell myself, "It's easy."
When I think about my amazing relationship with my King but begin to wonder how we will manage to find time for each other and our children, I tell myself "It's easy."
"It's easy."
"It's easy."
"It's easy."
If you need a daily lift, sign-up for Notes from the Universe. If you know of any other inspiring daily message service, have your own mantra/affirmation/prayer you have found helpful, post a comment and let me know. I could use all the help I can get ;-).
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Gratitude from the Inside-Out
Being grateful for the good already in your life is a transformative energy that can bring more good your way. Often referred to as the Attitude of Gratitude, it activates the universal principle, the Law of Attraction, which states, “Like attracts like.” By putting your attention on the abundance already in your life, you draw to you more abundance.
However, when most people put their focus on existing prosperity, they usually list such things as family, friends, home, food etc. This type of gratitude list consists of things external to the individual. What are often omitted from such lists are those things internal to the individual. I call it Gratitude from the Inside-Out. This type of gratitude is as powerful(if not more so) than having thanksgiving for external things.
Quiets Negative Self Talk
I find that beginning my gratitude list with identifying my internal abundance ignites a powerful sense of self worth and self awareness. So often, we have within us an ongoing internal dialogue about the things we do not like about ourselves. I call this voice the Internal Critic. Internally, we berate ourselves for not being good enough, not having enough, or not being deserving. Listing the positive qualities that make you feel prosperous builds a strong counter-argument to the Internal Critic. The Gratitude from the Inside-Out List provides proof-positive that within you there is good. It is a testimony that you are worthy and deserving.
Connects You to the Divine
Gratitude from the Inside-Out strengthens your connection to the Divine. Each one of us is an individual manifestation of the Divine. Isn’t that what is meant by: “Man is made in the image and likeness of God?”
The qualities of the Divine are also within in the individual. Think of it this way: The Divine is the ocean. You are a drop of water from that ocean. That drop of water contains the same properties found in the ocean. The droplet is not as powerful as the ocean but contains similar qualities. So the argument follows that if you express appreciation for what is within you, you are also expressing appreciation for the Divine.
Additionally, the highest energy vibration is love. Love is the energy that brings you closest to the Divine. Gratitude from the Inside-Out is an expression of self- love. Love of self is just as important as love of another.
Self Love should not be confused with selfishness. The latter is a derivative of the ego while the former derives from the heart. The Gratitude from the Inside-Out is not about boasting and bragging. This gratitude list is about acknowledging and accentuating this truth:
Sample Gratitude from Inside-Out List
So what might such a list look like? Here is a snippet of my Gratitude from the Inside Out List:
• I give thanks for my compassion for others
• I am grateful I am a good listener
• I am thankful I am caring
• I am grateful that my mind and body are strong
• I am thankful I am a good provider for my daughter
To intensify the transformative energy that this gratitude list can create in your life, write the list and then speak it aloud while looking in a mirror. Be sure to look directly into your eyes as you recite the list aloud. This exercise often can be very moving and healing.
Here again are the benefits of the Gratitude from the Inside-Out List:
• Activates the Law of Attraction
• Attracts More Abundance
• Quiets Negative Internal Voice
• Reinforces your Connection to the Divine
• Promotes Self Love
In gratitude,
T. Dorsey
However, when most people put their focus on existing prosperity, they usually list such things as family, friends, home, food etc. This type of gratitude list consists of things external to the individual. What are often omitted from such lists are those things internal to the individual. I call it Gratitude from the Inside-Out. This type of gratitude is as powerful(if not more so) than having thanksgiving for external things.
Quiets Negative Self Talk
I find that beginning my gratitude list with identifying my internal abundance ignites a powerful sense of self worth and self awareness. So often, we have within us an ongoing internal dialogue about the things we do not like about ourselves. I call this voice the Internal Critic. Internally, we berate ourselves for not being good enough, not having enough, or not being deserving. Listing the positive qualities that make you feel prosperous builds a strong counter-argument to the Internal Critic. The Gratitude from the Inside-Out List provides proof-positive that within you there is good. It is a testimony that you are worthy and deserving.
Connects You to the Divine
Gratitude from the Inside-Out strengthens your connection to the Divine. Each one of us is an individual manifestation of the Divine. Isn’t that what is meant by: “Man is made in the image and likeness of God?”
The qualities of the Divine are also within in the individual. Think of it this way: The Divine is the ocean. You are a drop of water from that ocean. That drop of water contains the same properties found in the ocean. The droplet is not as powerful as the ocean but contains similar qualities. So the argument follows that if you express appreciation for what is within you, you are also expressing appreciation for the Divine.
Additionally, the highest energy vibration is love. Love is the energy that brings you closest to the Divine. Gratitude from the Inside-Out is an expression of self- love. Love of self is just as important as love of another.
Self Love should not be confused with selfishness. The latter is a derivative of the ego while the former derives from the heart. The Gratitude from the Inside-Out is not about boasting and bragging. This gratitude list is about acknowledging and accentuating this truth:
There is good in each one of us.
Sample Gratitude from Inside-Out List
So what might such a list look like? Here is a snippet of my Gratitude from the Inside Out List:
• I give thanks for my compassion for others
• I am grateful I am a good listener
• I am thankful I am caring
• I am grateful that my mind and body are strong
• I am thankful I am a good provider for my daughter
To intensify the transformative energy that this gratitude list can create in your life, write the list and then speak it aloud while looking in a mirror. Be sure to look directly into your eyes as you recite the list aloud. This exercise often can be very moving and healing.
Here again are the benefits of the Gratitude from the Inside-Out List:
• Activates the Law of Attraction
• Attracts More Abundance
• Quiets Negative Internal Voice
• Reinforces your Connection to the Divine
• Promotes Self Love
In gratitude,
T. Dorsey
Monday, November 5, 2007
Making Time to Be Still
The only way I can effectively manage the demands of running my own performing arts company and the demands in my personal life is to allow time to be still. Being still enables me to recharge my battery and have the energy I need in the multiple areas of my life. I call it my Stillness Ritual.
Do not let the word ritual scare you. To set aside any concerns, let me be clear. A ritual is a series of acts you perform for a specific reason. My Stillness Ritual is taking time to listen within. Susan L. Taylor, editorial director of Essence Magazine and author of In the Spirit says, "The wisdom and strength you seek await you in the silence within."
I usually do my Stillness Ritual as soon as I awake. I take a few slow and deep breaths and focus on a few simple words such as, “Peace be still.” I say that phrase repeatedly to myself while remembering to concentrate on my breathing.
Some times my mind does wander which is natural. To get back in focus I simply put my attention back on my breathing. My Stillness Ritual usually takes only 5 minutes but the benefits are felt through out my day. When I am done my ritual I feel ready to greet the world.
If I fail to take time to be still I pay the consequences. I am less focused in my day so my thoughts are scattered. My energy is depleted more easily. My patience is short.
Just taking five minutes for myself each morning allows me to be more effective in all areas of my life. In the day-to-day fast pace of the world many may say they cannot find the time be still even for five minutes. For me, it is simply a must if I am gong to be fully present with the people I love and the work I love to do.
My Stillness Ritual is one of the most important tools I used to maintain peace and joy in my journey of life. If you would like to learn how to incorporate a Stillness Ritual in your life check out my article Make Time for You: Create a Stillness Ritual.
Check out My Book: Journey to Purpose
Do not let the word ritual scare you. To set aside any concerns, let me be clear. A ritual is a series of acts you perform for a specific reason. My Stillness Ritual is taking time to listen within. Susan L. Taylor, editorial director of Essence Magazine and author of In the Spirit says, "The wisdom and strength you seek await you in the silence within."
I usually do my Stillness Ritual as soon as I awake. I take a few slow and deep breaths and focus on a few simple words such as, “Peace be still.” I say that phrase repeatedly to myself while remembering to concentrate on my breathing.
Some times my mind does wander which is natural. To get back in focus I simply put my attention back on my breathing. My Stillness Ritual usually takes only 5 minutes but the benefits are felt through out my day. When I am done my ritual I feel ready to greet the world.
If I fail to take time to be still I pay the consequences. I am less focused in my day so my thoughts are scattered. My energy is depleted more easily. My patience is short.
Just taking five minutes for myself each morning allows me to be more effective in all areas of my life. In the day-to-day fast pace of the world many may say they cannot find the time be still even for five minutes. For me, it is simply a must if I am gong to be fully present with the people I love and the work I love to do.
My Stillness Ritual is one of the most important tools I used to maintain peace and joy in my journey of life. If you would like to learn how to incorporate a Stillness Ritual in your life check out my article Make Time for You: Create a Stillness Ritual.
Check out My Book: Journey to Purpose
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